THROBERT'S THEATRE of THINKOLOGIZING!
30 July 2009
An open letter to John DerbyshireDear Mr. Derbyshire --
As one of those guys who prefers to describe himself as "incredibly homosexual, but not particularly gay," and who chooses to stay far away from breaking-and-entry through the backdoor, I deeply appreciated your April 2001 column criticizing ''buggery'' -- because it's a dubious practice at best, yet throughout the entire run of the AIDS epidemic, the promotion and glamorization of rumpy-pumpy has never ceased in the "gay community."
I would fall into the category of homosexual men who gave anal "sex" the old college try -- both as a "top" and a "bottom" -- and eventually decided that it just wasn't pleasurable enough (and, in particular, I'm talking about "bottoming") to be worth the disadvantages. These disadvantages obviously include HIV risks, physical pain that even with practice never entirely goes away, minor rectal bleeding, brown stains, etc. Of course, I could've gone on being a "top," but in my mind that would violate the principle of "As I would not be any man's slave, so will I not be any man's master."
So as a man pushing 40, I remain unrepentantly homosexual and STD-free, sustained sexually by a diet of solo wanking (mostly) along with fellatio, mutual masturbation, and "frot" (but nowadays only when I can find another man who shares at least some of my non-sexual hobbies and moral/political values... until I find a "husband," I will settle for nothing less than a "good buddy"). By the way, if you're unfamiliar with the slang term "frot," see this Wikipedia article, to which I am a contributing author and editor.
But while I found nothing to dispute in your eminently fair-minded essay about buggery, you seemed at a loss to explain why the practice is so widespread in contemporary gay circles.
Sir, it's simple to sum up: Gay media culture is saturated with it, from video porn to sex-advice columns to gay "health" education; and for a variety of reasons, gay men who don't enjoy buggery experience relentless (albeit often subtle) peer pressure telling them that they're missing out on something incredibly fabulous and they could/should LEARN to enjoy it ("it" meaning "receptive anal sex") with a little more effort. Or, gee -- maybe they're afraid to try it because they suffer from internalized homophobia and self-loathing?
Anyway, the reason I'm writing to you is that I'm just completely fucking sick of this bullshit, and I've decided it's time for me as a conservative homosexual to stop griping about how massively dishonest gay male culture is, and start some whistle-blowing.
I've already pitched my planned muckraking crusade to some prominent figures in the right-wing blogosphere with whom I already have well-established online friendships, including Charles Johnson of LGF, "Ace" at Ace of Spades, and "Zombie" of Zombietime.
But even before I'd written to them, I had long wanted to pitch this to you, because I respect you immensely for your writings on evolutionary biology and languages (I was a double major in biology and Russian), and also because you've proven to me again and again that you're willing to modify your past assumptions about homosexuals, provided you were convinced by facts and logic.
Please let me know if this whets your interest, and I will send you a longer email detailing my "pitch", establishing my very solid credentials as a conservative AND an out-of-the-closet (though discreet) homosexual, and explaining how the conservative blogosphere and I might constructively collaborate on this project I have in mind. But just to give you a hint, ONE phase of my supergenius Wile E. Coyote plan is:
(B) open up a can of **boiling-hot acidic pain** on the above-mentioned Gay Establishment (waving at Andrew Sullivan et al.), along with their "progressive" straight enablers;
-Rob McGee Fairfax, VA
P.S. I first heard of you back in 2003 or so when I was still a regular reader of Andrew Sullivan. Suffice to say I long since concluded that you're an upstanding guy who's not nearly as "homophobic" as rumored, while Sullivan is a batshit-crazy fudgepacking faggot. (Not saying I want him to die; I just think that in a fair world, an irresponsible butt-pirate like Sully would have to sell himself into indentured servitude to pay for his antiviral meds, instead of socking it to the staff and readership of "The New Republic.")posted by Throbert | 7/30/2009 10:05:00 PM | (5) responses
26 July 2009
An email I sent to my hateful, hateful evangelical Christian friend Danielle...[And now presented here with additional info and better supporting links as an open letter to ALL my straight friends, and especially the more conservative and/or religious among you -- love you guys and though I don't say it enough, I appreciate that you put up with my potty mouth. By the way, any pink highlighting in this long article is only to draw the reader's eye to really key points, while yellow highlighting on my blog always reveals additional info if you mouse-hover over it .]
Thanks very much, Dani, and sorry again for not warning you about the NC-17 line drawing in the Wikipedia link defining "frot" -- glad your kids didn't see it! One other thing, though: please, please bring that Wiki article (which I co-wrote) to the attention of your husband and his med-school colleagues, and here's why...
In 1985, which is to say just a few years before C. Everett Koop's AIDS letter, the Dutch government launched a two-pronged AIDS prevention campaign aimed at gay/bi men. The message was very simple:
(1) If you are a man who has sex with other men, the surest way to avoid AIDS is to abstain completely from anal intercourse.
Note that the Dutch campaign said nothing at all about oral sex, and more than 20 years later, we have massive amounts of clinical data vindicating the Dutch assumption that it really wasn't crucial to discourage fellatio in order to contain the epidemic. Studies of gay/bi men who don't have anal sex at all support this, as do studies of serodiscordant hetero couples where the man is HIV+ and the woman is HIV-. All the data point to the inescapable conclusion that blowjobs very, very seldom lead to HIV transmission, even if you swallow the jizz (unless supposing you're a crystal-meth using gay party boy or female crack ho' and have lesions all over the inside of your mouth).
Which leaves anal sex as practically the entire reason why gay/bi male HIV cases number in the hundreds of thousands in the U.S. alone. Hundreds of thousands who got infected either because the condom broke during a buttfuck session, or (much, much more often) because they made the choice to imitate "bareback" porn movies in which condoms aren't used at all. Curious readers can find bareback porn at just about any adult video store stocking gay titles -- oftentimes just three feet away from the "Safer Sex Always!" poster.
But guess what? If I should ever figure out a way to fund my dream of directing and co-starring in a slickly produced, quadruple-X-rated DVD demonstrating and role-modeling exactly how gay men can make "frot" unbelievably, skull-poppingly pleasurable and also sweetly intimate, it will be the FIRST such movie in the entire buttfucking history of the buttfucking gay porn industry.
That's right -- what you will definitely not ever find near the "Safer Sex Always!" poster, or anywhere in any goddamned porno shop in America, is a movie that depicts frot as anything more than 5 seconds of foreplay before driving right up the Hershey Highway -- with a condom whose presence the pornographers do their DAMNEDEST to disguise from the viewers, so that the "safer" anal sex resembles barebacking as closely as possible. Thus, even while the actors are protected, the message visually reinforced for the porn audience is that "bareback is better."
Of course, gay male entitlement-mentality recklessness has cost billions of taxpayer dollars, along with higher healthcare premiums for everyone who shares an insurance plan with these barebacking idjits. (For example, Andrew "Sex has gotten so much hotter since I turned HIV+!" Sullivan's antiviral drugs, and the testosterone injections he gets to counteract the side-effects that the antivirals purportedly don't cause him, are subsidized by whatever health-insurance company that The New Republic uses, since Andrew was still Editor-in-Chief of TNR when he chose to let some other dude ejaculate a big wad of semen (that just happened to be chock-full of HIV) into his heavily-trafficked rectum. (Your Word-of-the-Day™ calendar entry: The ubiquitous and utterly enchanting gay slang term for ejaculating into another man's rectum with no condom to catch it is "to breed" -- e.g., "Breed my hot guy-pussy, you fucking stud!")
Anyway, by Andrew's own admission, his little "oopsie!" definitely happened circa the early '90s -- already several years AFTER the Dutch government and C. Everett Koop had tried to warn him that practically the only way for a non-heroin-using gay man to get AIDS is to do precisely what Mr. Sullivan chose to do.
Quite incidentally, some of you already know that I got my ass fired from The New Republic a couple years back, because I'd been gossiping online about a little fact-checking problem they'd immersed themselves in. Je ne regrette rien about having tattled on my employer -- after all, it netted me some much-appreciated free publicity in VanityFair.com and The Huffington Post. And anyway ,it was the third goddamned time in a decade that TNR had gotten caught in a total failure to do the most rudimentary fact-checking, so I would urge my former employer to consider the faint possibility that just maybe, God Himself directed me to their offices as His hand-picked courier bearing the message:
Dear TNR: Y'all needs to STOP doin' this NOT-doin'-fact-checking shit -- it just screams "sloppy."