GI JOE, REPORTING FOR DUTY

Damn, it's been ages since I've updated this site. I've been giving more attention to my X-rated porn blog and my pet rat's page, but a recent post on Little Green Footballs prompted me to post here, again.

The conversation had turned to the puppet sex scenes in Team America: World Police, which prompted someone to respond:

Now that I have to see, although it may bring back memories of the show Nasty Frank from down the block used to put on with his sister's Barbie and a GI Joe doll, much to my horror (I was 7 at the time)

To which I responded:

Heh! My grandma had a big box of the original Barbie-sized GI Joes in her basement -- there must've been at least a half-dozen Joes, the legacy of an uncle who died in adolescence, some years before I was even born. I loved playing with them whenever visiting grandma's house, which was a huge treat for me as a kid. The GI Joe box had uniforms for every branch of the service, along with all the plastic accessories, and even a Mercury space capsule for Joe to ride in! (I am kicking myself now for not inquiring after the GI Joes when my grandmother moved out of the house a few years ago -- I hope someone in the family realized the collectibles value.)
 
ANYWAY, relating to Donna V.'s anecdote... once I hit puberty, those mesomorphic, masculine, fully-posable dolls became fascinating in a whole new way. I vividly recall posing the plastic soldiers into homoerotic tableaux of naked muscular men wrestling and hugging and kissing... kissing everywhere. (I was not into the butt-f*cking thing then, or now.) And one of the Joes had a voicebox and pullstring, so after I'd gotten them into position, I'd send myself into horny 14-year-old giggles by pulling on his metal dogtag to make him say: "GI JOE! REPORTING FOR DUTY!"
 
And I never lost my taste for masculine guys...

UPDATE: They don't make the 12-inch GI JOE dolls combat figures anymore, and I wouldn't buy Ken™ because he's a faggy metrosexual straight dork -- I mean, what good is he? But the 99¢ store that's right by my apartment complex sells police and firefighter action figures real cheap. Their clothes don't come off because they're molded on, but hey -- two guys can have plenty of fun while fully dressed. Readers, meet Policeman Adam and Firefighter Steve:

posted by Throbert | 10/13/2004 04:01:00 AM | (0) responses

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