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THROBERT'S THEATRE of THINKOLOGIZING!



30 July 2009
 

An open letter to John Derbyshire

Dear Mr. Derbyshire --

As one of those guys who prefers to describe himself as "incredibly homosexual, but not particularly gay," and who chooses to stay far away from breaking-and-entry through the backdoor, I deeply appreciated your April 2001 column criticizing ''buggery'' -- because it's a dubious practice at best, yet throughout the entire run of the AIDS epidemic, the promotion and glamorization of rumpy-pumpy has never ceased in the "gay community."

I would fall into the category of homosexual men who gave anal "sex" the old college try -- both as a "top" and a "bottom" -- and eventually decided that it just wasn't pleasurable enough (and, in particular, I'm talking about "bottoming") to be worth the disadvantages. These disadvantages obviously include HIV risks, physical pain that even with practice never entirely goes away, minor rectal bleeding, brown stains, etc. Of course, I could've gone on being a "top," but in my mind that would violate the principle of "As I would not be any man's slave, so will I not be any man's master."

So as a man pushing 40, I remain unrepentantly homosexual and STD-free, sustained sexually by a diet of solo wanking (mostly) along with fellatio, mutual masturbation, and "frot" (but nowadays only when I can find another man who shares at least some of my non-sexual hobbies and moral/political values... until I find a "husband," I will settle for nothing less than a "good buddy"). By the way, if you're unfamiliar with the slang term "frot," see this Wikipedia article, to which I am a contributing author and editor.

But while I found nothing to dispute in your eminently fair-minded essay about buggery, you seemed at a loss to explain why the practice is so widespread in contemporary gay circles.

Sir, it's simple to sum up: Gay media culture is saturated with it, from video porn to sex-advice columns to gay "health" education; and for a variety of reasons, gay men who don't enjoy buggery experience relentless (albeit often subtle) peer pressure telling them that they're missing out on something incredibly fabulous and they could/should LEARN to enjoy it ("it" meaning "receptive anal sex") with a little more effort. Or, gee -- maybe they're afraid to try it because they suffer from internalized homophobia and self-loathing?

Anyway, the reason I'm writing to you is that I'm just completely fucking sick of this bullshit, and I've decided it's time for me as a conservative homosexual to stop griping about how massively dishonest gay male culture is, and start some whistle-blowing.

I've already pitched my planned muckraking crusade to some prominent figures in the right-wing blogosphere with whom I already have well-established online friendships, including Charles Johnson of LGF, "Ace" at Ace of Spades, and "Zombie" of Zombietime.

But even before I'd written to them, I had long wanted to pitch this to you, because I respect you immensely for your writings on evolutionary biology and languages (I was a double major in biology and Russian), and also because you've proven to me again and again that you're willing to modify your past assumptions about homosexuals, provided you were convinced by facts and logic.

Please let me know if this whets your interest, and I will send you a longer email detailing my "pitch", establishing my very solid credentials as a conservative AND an out-of-the-closet (though discreet) homosexual, and explaining how the conservative blogosphere and I might constructively collaborate on this project I have in mind. But just to give you a hint, ONE phase of my supergenius Wile E. Coyote plan is:

(B) open up a can of **boiling-hot acidic pain** on the above-mentioned Gay Establishment (waving at Andrew Sullivan et al.), along with their "progressive" straight enablers;

Interested?

-Rob McGee Fairfax, VA

P.S. I first heard of you back in 2003 or so when I was still a regular reader of Andrew Sullivan. Suffice to say I long since concluded that you're an upstanding guy who's not nearly as "homophobic" as rumored, while Sullivan is a batshit-crazy fudgepacking faggot. (Not saying I want him to die; I just think that in a fair world, an irresponsible butt-pirate like Sully would have to sell himself into indentured servitude to pay for his antiviral meds, instead of socking it to the staff and readership of "The New Republic.")

posted by Throbert | 7/30/2009 10:05:00 PM |
Comments:
"well-established online friendships, including Charles Johnson of LGF"

I know the feeling...

On the bright side, if you find another gay victim of Charles' Banned'orum you can do the famous Picard / Riker *facepalm* together. (Google that up.) No buggery involved!

P.S. Was Sulu (not Takei) gay or straight? I vote "gay", based on his persona in the Mirror Universe. Either being a heterosexual predator was how the "mirror" aspect changed him; or else he was gay in both places and covering it up in front of the crew in the MU.
 
George "Hikaru Sulu" Takei came out officially at least a year or two ago, but has been known to be gay in fannish circles for a decade or more.
 
Oh, wait, you asked about Sulu, not Takei, sorry. Canonically, there is no evidence that he is gay (in fanfiction, everyone is gay); but there are a number of subtle hints that he might be (or at least in-jokes to Takei). He being from San Francisco, Kirk's shock that Sulu had a daughter, Sulu being the first one to see the Salt Vampire as a member of the same sex, rather than the opposite, etc.
 
"Sullivan is a batshit-crazy fudgepacking faggot."

Might using such terminology be counterproductive?
 
"These disadvantages obviously include HIV risks"
Well there is such a thing as safe sex. Although it's a little rare in the community...

"...physical pain that even with practice never entirely goes away, minor rectal bleeding, brown stains, etc."
Okay, now I am thouroughly disgusted. I think you were doing something wrong.
 
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