My first full day as an adoptive gay parent of a special-needs child is going really well after a minor scare this afternoon: Throbert Jr. (or Throbertina Jr.) bit off and swallowed a two-foot section from a broom handle, and I was worried that some of the splinters might lodge in his (or her) intestines. Granted, of course, he (or she) was able to pass most of that Rottweiler from yesterday, including a studded collar and what appeared to be an intact femur, but anyone who's ever been a brand-new parent can probably understand what a panic I was in.

Anyway, what happened was that I'd gone to the supermarket for a family-sized pak of ground beef, rawhide chews, and diapers, leaving Throbert Jr. (or Throbertina Jr.) tethered to the radiator with a bicycle chain. I wasn't sure if this was strictly necessary, as he (or she) is totally into Zoboomafoo and seemed content to sit quietly in front of the TV -- tracking every onscreen movement with those adorable ruby-red eyes, foamy saliva collecting in the corners of his (or her) mouth. But I haven't had time to baby-proof the apartment yet, so the tether was really just a safety measure.

"Be a good baby, Throbert Jr. (or Throbertina Jr.)," I cooed. "Daddy will be back very soon and then we shall play patty-cake."

"Hiss," said Throbert Jr. (or Throbertina Jr.), slowly extending a set of retractable secondary jaws from deep within his (or her) throat to snap at the empty air...

[To be continued!]

posted by Throbert | 5/30/2002 06:18:00 PM |

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